check out....

http://www.research-chemicals.co.uk

WORST TYPES OF PEOPLE

I NICKED THIS FROM PLATFORM (ONLY GOOD THING I HAVE EVER READ ON THEIR WEBSITE) BECAUSE IT DESCRIBES SO MANY PEOPLE I KNOW AND HATE!

2. Faux Intellectuals

Have you ever been cornered by one of these people? Usually some sullen, anemic nerd who reeks of Lynx and is keen to overcompensate for years of social ostracization. Chances are this dude will continuously infer that you should be grateful he is even speaking to you. His stream of consciousness is a magnificent tapestry woven of smug self importance, delusions of grandeur and barely concealed resentment at the plebians and their fulfilling social lives. Unless you are willing to agree with every point they make, a civil conversation is nigh on impossible. The faux intellectual is never wrong and will either dismiss your opinions as the feeble rantings of a cretinous cretin or argue his point until spittle flies from his trembling mouth and he is crimson with rage. For all their posturing and ego, 90% of the time faux intellectuals aren’t even that clever. Should you find a whole group of these cunts, just watch. It’s like a Chekhov play.

I AM... SAHSA FIERCE

I AM... GOING TO SEE BEYONCE ON SUNDAY. DANNY'S LOVELY FRIEND SEAN WON TWO SETS OF TICKETS SO HE GAVE ME ONE!

ME AND MY SISTER CAMILLA ARE GONNA HANG AROUND IN LONDON FOR A BIT THEN GO GET CRUNK WITH B.

COULDNT BE MORE EXCITED, SHE BETTER PLAY LOADSA DC!

THESE BURGERS ARE CRAZY

TRIED TO COOK ALEX A DELICIOUS MEAL LAST NIGHT AND SET MY OVEN ON FIRE, WHICH WAS STUPID.

I GRABBED MY LAPTOP AND MOBILE AND RAN INTO THE STREET WHERE I PROCEEDED TO CALL 999 AND FREAK OUT THAT THE OLD MAN DOWNSTAIRS MIGHT BE ASLEEP, AND THEREFORE BURN TO DEATH.

LUCKILY THE FIREMEN (HOTTOS) AND ONE FIRELADY (NOTTO) WERE THERE PRETTY QUICK AND PUT IT OUT IN ABOUT 2 SECONDS FLAT. NOTHING RUINED EXCEPT MY PRIDE.

PIXIES

WERE KIND OF CRAP LIVE.

IT WAS LIKE GETTING TOGETHER WITH A LOAD OF PEOPLE YOU DONT WANT TO BE THAT CLOSE TO (INDIE KIDS, DICKHEADS, OLD PEOPLE) AND BOSHING OUT SOME KAREOKE TO AN OVER PLAYED CD.

THATS MY LIVE REVIEW FOR THE MONTH.

THE DAUGHTERS

Do you like Hell Songs? I love it but my BFF Alexander doesn't and when our opinions differ it scares me.

SLEEP

This band are on the Gummo soundtrack so if you're wondering if listening to music which resembles teenage sabbath fans rockin out in ma's garage is lame, then don't worry, it has the Korine seal of cool. Download a discography (reckon it's full) here if, like me, you were slow on the uptake with this one, they were mega hyped in the 90s then kind of disappeared but they're having a full on re-birth (after-birth? eeew) in my Mum's spare room right now.