BON IVER ARE SHIT

I've tried to give Bon Iver a chance and downloaded their album For Emma, Forever Ago (puniest, twee-as-fuck album name ever, perhaps) for a listen, but I can't see why on earth people like them. And this isn't your average NME reader, they actually got placed in the FACT top 100 songs of the year, which is generally pretty dependable. The main problem I have with the album is that every time I try to listen to it, I just forget I'm listening to music at all. It is so bland, so dull, so POINTLESS that i infact forget there is any music going on and am only snapped back into listening when BI finishes and Bonnie Prince Billy (decent modern folk for any Bon Iver fans out there wishing to jump ship) kicks in. I shant be swayed, and if I am, I hope someone gives me a good slap and some X-Ray Spex soundtrack-ed de-programming. 

LILY ALLEN

Her new album is due in February and, although i know she polarizes opinions, I have to say I've always loved Lily Allen. This game is addictive and the top scorer will win some Lily Allen themed shit. 

PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS SONG

Pivot - O Soundtrack My Heart

FESTIVE SNEER

TAKE ME DOWN TO THE PARADISE CITY, WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN, AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY

WON'T YA, TAKE ME HOME?

I have to say, there's no place like home. I've barely even been properly home yet (only been at my mum's a tiny bit and haven't been out in Brighton yet) and I feel alive again! I am so happy just sitting in my Ma's dining room listening to planet rock and cooking some home made organic earthy foods (yes, even this pretence doesn't annoy me any more). I have watched a million films (ET, Nanny McPhee, Nightmare Before Christmas....) and am about as christmassy and I could be. I thought it was going to be a slight effort to make the most of being away from Epsom, and might feel slightly forced what with family relations never being that great... but I am truly so chuffed to be here and feeling festive up the ying-yang! SO....

CURRENT MUSINGS...

• I still love GnR and still picture them as yoofs when i listen to paradise city, the ravages of time may have taken toll on their pretty boy faces, but my heart can see through it.
• I have amazing friends. Theyre not always there when you need them. Theyre not kind and sweet. Theyre not reliable and they do let you down. But they are the funnest, cleverest, coolest people I have ever met. Other people just don't get it, and can't quite cut it.
• My new fringe reminds me of Bruce Dickinson's old one.
• Eastbourne town centre is chock-full of some of the skankiest people I've ever seen, but is more familiar to me than anywhere in the world, probably. And is therefore kind of comforting.
  
• Baths make everything better.

CURRENTLY LISTENING...

• Guns n Roses - Greatest Hits
• Britney Spears - Circus
• Garbage - Absolute Garbage
• Bikini Kill - The Singles
• No Doubt - Return Of Saturn
• Kate Bush - The Sensual World
  
• Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
  

GROTTO HOTTO

I work as a sometime slave at my sister's salon, answering phones, making tea, and listening to the depraved secrets of middle aged women. Two doors down is a small shop called St Fanourinos. Or something like that, us catholics don't know the names of all the saints I'm afraid. It's tiny, and full of religious stuff. It makes my head spin when i walk past, and puts dreams and ideas in there. I've always had religious nicknacks what with being a bible basher, and i love anything adorned with our lady. It's somewhat confusing putting the faces of the holy trinity and Mary on things like handbags and teatowels, but the tackiness really appeals to me.

I have visions of real old time Catholic schoolgirls, dark eyes and fraying schoolshirts, with rosaries and scowls. One of my favorite books, The Lake Of Dead Languages, documents the story of a girls' school. The students are morbid, with black lipstick and latin obsession. Bovver boots and opaque tights and shoegaze and faux lesbianism. The whole thing is dark and intrigueing in a pretty obvious way. Add this to my dreams of grottos, with trickling waterfalls and young girls heartbroken by Jesus, and you basically have my idea of the best kind of movie/music video/photo shoot ever. I don't know how ideas become solid things, but i am certain that if i could make a career out of stupid ideas that only make sense in my head, I would be the best at it.

On a totally unrelated note, the band Girlschool have been rocking my record player of late. It's been a fair few years since i went through my cockrock stage but Im reliving it and loving girls in leather jackets with ugly electric guitars as much as I did at thrirteen.

ESCAPE

Tomorrow i escape from Epsom and 136. My Papa is picking me up and we are going home via some National Trust place, which i am seriously questioning as I'm ill as hell. I am going to try my very best to inject all the happy christmas spirit into myself i can muster for the next three weeks. There is no spirit here, the town is dead and the people are dull. I think being around friends will be so nice I won't want to leave again come January 5th. Hence I'm going to reboot myself to try and make next term bearable. I'm also going to take millions of pictures of my lovely friends and beautiful town. I need to pack really but i can't think what to bring, I kind of want to leave it all here and run away, but i know really that in three weeks I'll have to come back to it all. BYE BYE BEDROOM!

SHOOP SHOOP

DOES HE LOVE ME?

I WANNA KNOW.

HOW CAN I TELL IF HE LOVES ME SO?

I love cher. Gyspies, Tramps and Thieves is one of my favorite songs ever for no apparent reason and i love I Got You Babe more than I love sunny days. I love that she got her teenage son in the mix for that kinky sailor video, and i love that she used to have a huge nose and look like downs syndrome Mulan. I also don't think anyone gives her enough credit for her fashion sense. I will prove this with images because without proof i know i will be instantly mocked for this particular opinion. 

This year it's all been about the 90s revival, stonewash and acidwash denim, body con LBDs, shoe boots, soft goth, religious jewelry... If you want a real icon when it comes to this statement style, don't look at Alice Dellal (although yes, she's pretty fucking ace) LOOK AT CHER. The other trend i particularly always favor is that hippie folk thing, and Cher's early (pre surgery) look is home to many paisley prints, head bands and hippie dresses. The woman is a fashion powerhouse, never afraid to take a chance. 

This video was a No. 1 favourite of mine and my sister's when we were little. It although features Winona Ryder and Christina Ritchie who i absolutely adore. Long live all those rebellious child stars, sniffing coke at 11, having sex at 12, marrying your step-dad at 14 and moving to Ohio to do meth and listen to RocknRoll (this might not sound glam, but it DOES sound cool non?). Grab a hairbrush and singalong........

NEW ICON

 MARY WEISS FROM THE SHANGRI LAS IS FUCKING COOL

MIDNIGHT MUSIC

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: (just click on them for download!)

Jethro Tull - Original Masters

Joy Division - Substance

Bonny 'prince' Billy - Master and Everyone

Zach Hill - Astrological Straights

Grateful Dead - What A Long Strange Trip!

The Shangri Las - Myrmidons of Melodrama

Fucked Up - The Chemistry Of Common Life

LIVING IN THE PAST

As much as i understand the need for new music, when it comes to revamps, (or pastiche as i like to see it) I have always found it hard to understand why you would listen to the second wave. Everyone knows that The Beatles were better than Oasis, that Dylan is better than this so-called folk revival, and The Shangri Las could beat the shit out of Girls Aloud. It's like eating economy instead of finest range.

But i digress, the point I'm trying to make is that people should make more effort to seek out the roots of their music. Every crap band have been influenced by someone better, and every lame scene can eventually be traced back to something cool. If you're in your bedroom listening to Aiden then find out where Emo came from. If you can't get enough of those pesky pop punk bands try The Ramones. If you spend your car journeys singing along to Scouting For Girls you should kill yourself. Seriously.

I think that I've definitely ranted away from the topic. I'm not a purist in any sense or a music snob, I enjoy exploration. I think that if you travel along the story of music you can find out so many interesting things and enjoy so much music, that it's limiting yourself not to. I found out about one of my favorite bands, The Slits, from a Nirvana article i read when i was 13. The people who influence great musicians are often greater themselves, but never got the same platform. 

Dig for the treasures, you won't be disappointed! 

CHECK IT OUT

(An explanation of where i stole the image at the top of my blog from)

Hedi Slimane has done a shoot for Dazed, the London Teenage Portfolio "presents a personal portfolio of today's British Youth street-cast from various nightlife locations around London". Some of it is a bit.... obvious? But it's cool and this particularly made me stop, stare, and swoon. 

I MISS BRIGHTON

I spend a lot of time moaning about my current place of reside. Thus, I won't do anymore Epsom bitching, I'll just say this - I MISS BRIGHTON and I'm looking forward to Papa getting me Sunday and taking me homies. 

People in Epsom are strange. They stare at goths and shop in Dorothy Perkins. People at UCA are even stranger. Whoever said that kids from small towns blossom into cool people were wrong. The mixture of test tube weirdos and repressed norm kids is too much. Hull/Dorset/Rhyl's loss was DEFINITELY not my gain.

THINGS IM AFTER

THINGS THAT SUCK AND THINGS THAT DON'T SUCK.

I will preface this by explaining that I am ill, and when one is ill they have free range to bitch and moan about the trivial, whilst championing the commonplace.

SUCK

(sickness related)

• Forgetting you have a nose ring and blowing your nose 
• Being too ill to shower
• Being so cold you have to wear mittens and wooly hat indoors
• Missing one of the few parties that happens in your lame Uni town cause you happen to fall sick just as term ends
• Being woken up by your own cough
• Your thoughtless housemate leaving the window wide open when the house is already sub-zero

(non-sickness related)

• I Haunt Wizards (worst band I've ever heard)
• Not getting an advent calendar :(
• Cholera, Robert Mugabi, and that whole fucking mess
• Evil mid-twenties asian managers (see- sainsburys, staples)
• Not having enough money to buy christmas presents
• Spending the £20 you find in your savings account on ice cream and sequins then remembering it was meant to pay for your phone bill

DON'T SUCK

• Ben&Jerry's half price Phish Food at Sainsburys
• Lily Allen's new song, which I'm growing to love
• Writing my next Uni piece on black metal and putting that brain full of useless music knowledge to good use
• Having housemates which will make you hot water bottles and not take the piss when you cry (that much)
• Waking up to find the sink empty (well done Joey you wee scamp)
• Papa coming to pick me up on Sunday and take me home to Brightonia
• BLUR REFORMING AND TOURING !!!
• Getting a brand new walkman phone for freebies on upgrade
• TELEVISION which is keeping my entertained whilst in bed (Hollyoaks, Eastenders, Loose Women ILU)
• Newt off Hollyoaks, who is getting confusingly sexy

If any of this upsets you slightly, i don't blame you. 

JAMES FRANCO IS MY FRIEND

I am yet to steal my housemates James Franco adorned copy of this month's Man About Town (or was it Arena Homme +, i forget) BUT anyway, I am yet to steal it. I preface this with that to explain that, as of yet, my ears are virgins to his words in print and, after reading, I may change my mind about him. however, in the here and now, I must profess that I think i am in love with star of Pineapple Express, James Franco. 

I downloaded cult teenage sitcom 'Freaks and Geeks' a few months ago. Only one series was made as it got cut half way through filming, this was due to problems with scheduling the show which resulted in poor viewing figures. This is probably why people compare it to 'My So Called Life' so regularly, but i have to say the similarities end there pretty much. F&G doesn't have the same heart wrenching nature MSCL does, and i doubt any other youth drama ever will. It does however have some incredibly well written characters. Kim Kelly, the wild child, was closest to my heart and her screaming matches with Mother and turbulent love life were definitely closest to my own school years. Zeppelin obsessed Nick is easy to love, sardonic Ken easy to hate, and main character Lindsay easy to relate to. The 'geeks' of the show, Lindsay's younger brother and his friends, are hilarious. Giving you a snapshot of life as a thirteen year old boy with too much brain and not enough braun is a lot more up lifting than you may imagine. 

But F&G is all about one person, Franco. His character Daniel Desario is oft mused over by Lindsay, but she never gets the guy. He stays locked in a relationship of breaking and making up with bad girl Kim, and i loved him for it. He doesn't take the easy way out, doesn't clean up his act, never learns a lesson from life. He's a bad boy who wants to be bad, and i don't think there's enough of them around. 

Skip forward a few years, a few acting classes, and we land at Pineapple Express. I've always had a soft spot for drug dealers, and can't help finding dopey boys surrounded by a haze of smoke cute. Add my Franco crush to this and I found his character Saul terrifically appealing. I love Seth Rogen (who also plays Ken in F&G) too, and thought his efforts writing the movie paid off. It was funny, sweet, exciting and also tried to portray dealers in a way not often seen in film.

So, in conclusion, I think James Franco is pretty hot shit right now and anything he touches is turning to gold. I am especially excited about his role as Allen Ginsberg in (currently in production) Howl. It is his second consecutive gay role, of which he claims he doesn't pay much attention. I think people are bored of the whole Will Ferrell thing, and Seth Rogen looks set to be the big thing in comedy next year, with Judd Apatow as his infallible sidekick. I think people are also bored of boring leading males, Toby Maguire, that rippling idiot from James Bond, that creepy twink from HSM. James Franco is the bad girl's eye candy, and I'm backing him for big things in '09. 

NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST ROCK DOC ON EARTH.

So i finally watched Dig! The movie everyone was talking about... a while ago. I will start by stating that i do kind of enjoy the music of The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. However i prefer The Dandys and despise myself for it, whilst also being somewhat pleased I'm not quite pretentious enough to obsess over what is basically a competent pastiche (TBJM). As i hit the half way point of the movie my inner (outer,arounder, all over...) cynic began muttering sardonically in response to comments from members of both bands, and i had to turn the movie off, re-boot my non-judgmental side, and wait around an hour before i went back in for more projectile-vomit inducing self indulgence. I am aware of the need for this in bands, and I've know many a wannabe Anton Newcombe, but the level of sheer unadulterated wank that both bands spew on a constant loop would be considered smug even by Jagger standards. Newcombe, TBJM lead singer, is a troubled genius at best, a psychotic junkie at worst, and, possibly, a misinformed Melvin at truth. A culmination of all of these things is probably closest to reality, as if often the case with these things. The Dandy's' lead singer, Courtney 'Taylor-Taylor' (i can only imagine the double barrel is some irony on the fact that, with all of TDW parents still happily married, Courtney claims they are 'the most well adjusted band in America".) is the worst kind of rock singer stereotype that pre-teen Disney movies, Guitar Hero advertising campaigns, and bedroom wall discount 'ROCKBAND' posters have to offer. His long hair, full lips, and snaky hips often detract from the brattish drivel which pisses out of his mouth almost constantly, but if you can detach your gaze from his otherwise pleasing aesthetics you'll soon realize he is 100% in it for the glory. This is where TBJM come up trumps, as you know they're in it for the music, with the faith that their passion will bring the recognition that their anti-corporate, anti-advertising ethos always ensures they miss out on. They want the money, they want the fame, they want hotel rooms and stupid riders, and girls open to new experiences with strange men but they're not willing to risk their credibility for it. Joel, the tamborine man of the group, is in my opinion, the saving grace of the whole thing. He is funny, charismatic, positive, spontaneous, and manages to be more entertaining live than the rest of the band put together, whilst all the time actually touring as exclusively the tamborine player. A marvelous feat. So was this the rock doc to shit on all rock docs? No. Did it leave me convinced TBJM are the next Doors? No. Did it go someway into helping me understand how hard it is for bands not to sell out? Not really... Did it fill a couple of hours i would have spent watching something slightly less entertaining on TV? Yes. If you have a free evening, sure, watch Dig! It's pretty funny, insightful, and you'll be able to wow all your cool friends with your new BJM knowledge. If it means having to drive to a movie store, find a local library, or download the entire thing though, i wouldn't bother. You can see Spinal Tap across your bedroom and its pretty much the same, but with more convincing acting. 

To download Dig! click here.

UNDERNEATH IT ALL

This, along with Dubside Of The Moon, is one of the few records which makes me instantly rap in a faux Jamaican accent with wild abandon and little care for sleeping housemates. I love No Doubt, i think part of the attraction is my best friend's obsession with the band. When i listen to them, i see his teenage face singing along and it makes me smile. Click here for a decent discography. You ARE Lady Saw, promise.

There's times where I want something more

Someone more like me

There's times when this dress rehearsal

Seems incomplete

But you see the colors in me like no one else

And behind your dark glasses you're...

You're something else

You're really lovely

Underneath it all

You want to love me

Underneath it all

I'm really lucky

Underneath it all

You're really lovely

You know some real bad tricks

And you need some discipline

But, lately you've been trying real hard

And giving me your best

And, you give me the most gorgeous sleep

That I've ever had

And when it's really bad

I guess it's not that bad

So many moons that we have seen

Stumbling back next to me

I've seen right through and underneath

And you make me better

I've seen right through and underneath

And you make me better

Better... better...

Lady Saw:

You are my real Prince Charmin'

Like the heat from the fire

You were always burnin'

And each time you're around

My body keeps stalin'

For your touch

Your kisses and your sweet romancin'

There's an underside to you

That so many adore

Aside from your temper

Everything else secure

You're good for me, baby

Oh that, I'm sure

Over and over again

I want more

Gwen:

You've used up all your coupons

And all you've got left is me

And somehow I'm full of forgiveness

I guess it's meant to be

You're really lovely

Underneath it all

You want to love me

Underneath it all

I'm really lucky

Underneath it all

And you're really lovely

YOU'RE LOST LITTLE GIRL

I think about my dreams more than most. Or at least i think i do, because i presume that if the rest of the world spent so much time awake considering being asleep, we would all talk about nocturnal musings a lot more. 

Rather than my life being a healthy balance of activities, work, relaxation etc. I seem to have 10 hours a day of head-in-the-clouds day dreaming about where my life could be if i wasn't so scared of it, this is when i consider my dreams, what they mean, and where they sprout from. I am a very deep sleeper and have often professed to friends how i feel like i am being born every time i open a sleepy eye under my duvet, and become once again conscious to the world. I dream of horrors and romances and childhoods which weren't mine. I dream of illicit affairs and rebellious friendships and adventures to places that never existed. I regularly dream of cavernous thrift shops, filled with the kind of treasures pirates would have laughed at, but which i spend my days remembering and lusting after. Sometimes i am a vagabond, living in a bus, rejecting society and enjoying my freedom. Though these kind of dreams typically mutate into much darker realities, filled with monsters and witches and the most childish of foes ready to scare me into a shuddering awakening. I love to dream, but i am scared of my dreams. I am scared of how deep and dark and all consuming they are. I am scared of the daily routine i face, which entails reminding myself of the brief history of the world, myself, and humanity in general, all of which i seem to forget once i am in the coma like state which fills my bedroom each night. I rarely find myself alert during my waking hours, instead on a kind of dream-hangover. It takes this time to recover from the 10 hours or so i spend exploring the excesses of my mind each night. And as i seem to grasp a hold on my existence and all that comes with it, like a huge boulder of reality and responsibility, crushing my dreams, i oft look at the clock, and realise its sleeping time again. Laying down i surrender to the impulses within me, and drift back into a hazy world of wonder...

"Please one last kiss before I sleep

Across my pillow softly creep

Gently put those lips to mine

And may I sleep a dream divine"

Christopher Savin

And May I Sleep A Dream Divine

THE GREAT ROCK AND ROCK SWINDLE

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SOME ALBUM REVIEWS WITH TORRENT LINKS.

These are some short reviews i did recently for a uni module. Click on the title for the torrent!

MGMT – Oracular Spectacular

4/5

MGMT create music for 21^st century electro-hippies. With notes of 60s hipster irreverence and 80s glam mysticism, they owe as much to Bowie and Bolan as they do Justice. Whimsical and dreamy, ‘Fated To Pretend’ and ‘Electric Feel’ have the ability to thrill a club or enchant small audiences. Beautiful psychedelic electronica. 

Laura Marling – Alas I Cannot Swim

4/5

18-year-old Marling’s debut release is full of rich fairytale lyrics and songs telling the secrets of a colourful childhood. Some tracks fade into predictable Tori Amos style snivelling (‘Old Stone’) but singles ‘My Manic…’ and ‘Cross Your Fingers’ retain an intensity often lost in neo-folk. Unforgettably sweet and honest. 

Fucked Up – The Chemistry Of Common

4/5

2008 was the year Fucked Up got more press than Britney, so this album had a lot to live up to. Half apocalyptic hardcore, half dirgey pagan euphoria, ‘Chemistry…’ is a confusing, but intelligently constructed release. Aside from ‘Royal Swan’s wailing, and some painfully self-indulgent, lyrics this is a near perfect record.

DJ Scotch Egg – Drumized

4 ½ /5

Brighton based chip-core legend DJ Scotch Egg’s latest release is a beautiful explosion of spasmodic electronic bleating. Title track ‘Drumized’ is calmer than you might expect but the album holds all of the chaotic energy seen on ‘Scotchhausen’, with more use of sampling and his special breed of ‘vocals’. A circus of gameboy -gabba experimentation.

Keane – Perfect Symmetry

2/5

Keane go 80s in a fantastically mis-judged revamp. Although single ‘Spiralling’ seems surprisingly promising, the rest of the album is formulaic synth-driven pop. They mimic countless other current bands who have jumped on the 80s revival bus (Mystery Jets, anyone?) predictably badly and without soul. The least original concept since new-rave.

Kimya Dawson – Alphabutt

2/5

Alphabutt sounds like walking into a badly run crèche. Dawson shares a wealth of information about impending motherhood you never wanted to know, using the vocabulary of a toddler, and the musicianship of a turd. ‘Sunbeams and Some Beans’ is closer to classic Kimya and the albums highpoint. Sickly sweet.

The Streets – Everything Is Borrowed

2/5

This is a classic post-breakdown album. Skinner raps about sanctimonious drivel he clearly has little grasp of over somewhat interesting funk-tinged garage.  However if you ignore the sentiment there are saving graces in the form of ‘I Love You More’ and ‘Strongest Person…’. Predictably honest but, honestly, predictable.

Kings Of Leon – Only By The Night

2/5

Kings Of Leon lose their defining features with this album of dull rock songs. The raw country appeal of ‘Youth And Young Manhood’ has disappeared and the youthful romanticism of ‘Aha Shake Heartbreak’ has been replaced with whiney indie-by-numbers tracks like ‘Crawl’. ‘Sex On Fire’ aside, a pointless release.